What Do I Know? I’m Just a Clown.
Nov. / Dec. 2026
Advice from Martin “The Clown” Barry
Dear Clown,
I recently met someone amazing. We have been seeing each other for about two months and we have gotten to know each other very well. There is only one item that has been bugging me. This person has some darkness in their past that causes them to push me away sometimes. This is usually followed by a reactive period where they want me to be close again. How can I help with this?
Sincerely, Yoyo
Dear Yoyo,
The fact that you are asking how to help is above and beyond what most people will tolerate in new relationships and it is obvious that you care for this person. Being selfless is a good thing, but it can be dangerous as well. Please use direct communication to establish boundaries. Define the limits of what would cause a separation – to protect yourself – as these situations can cause trauma bonds that may never resolve. After this, work on discussions of their feelings and the roots of these feelings. Take note of when you notice patterns of behavior. It may be easy to slip into accusatory questions at times, so assure that you frame these questions in a way that gets them to release their thoughts rather than close up. Statements expressing interest in their thoughts can be a good lead into this; followed by questions about how certain situations made them feel. There is much work ahead, so please remember to be patient, too. I truly wish you the best.
Stay true, Clown
Dear Clown,
If you expect the unexpected, does that make the unexpected expected?
Sincerely, Unyun
Dear Unyun,
Every time.
As expected, Clown
Dear Clown,
My sister and I have always been close. Recently, her actions have been what I would characterize as quietly hostile. We have not really had much conversation in about 6 months and this is nagging at me. How can I find out why she is behaving this way?
Sincerely, Big Bro
Dear Big Bro,
I am hoping that this is something easily managed. You will have to get to the root of the concern. I suggest something simple like a dinner at your place. Make her favorite meal or even establish a recurring game night. In discussion, note what you have noticed and check on how she is feeling. This will help open the door to her thoughts and make your bond even stronger. Be persistent and patient.
Thicker than water, Clown
Dear Clown,
My daughter is not communicating with me at all. This has been going on for about two years and I do not know how to connect again. I am aware of the reason for this and I know that I am at fault. I was very critical of her and her life choices. I have only recently realized that I caused this. Is there a way back?
Sincerely, Sad Mom
Dear Sad Mom,
Acknowledging your part in this is step one. Sit with this for a bit and consider how you would feel if the same was done to you. After that, begin slowly with apologies for how you made your daughter feel and use no defensive words or actions. Allow her to express all the anger and sadness without criticism. Understand that this will be a slow process to establish anything resembling what your relationship used to be AND that it may never recover all the way. You have the opportunity to make repairs. Be patient.
Love is always the answer, Clown
Do you have a question for The Clown? Write him at [email protected]
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