Ask The Clown
What do I know? I’m just a Clown.
Advice from: Martin “the Clown” Barry
Sept. / Oct. 2025
Dear Clown,
I am a single mother and I love my life. I work from home and care for my toddler full time. This, however, has not always been an easy road. While I have had consistent support and encouragement from friends, my parents and siblings have less than that. My parents insisted that I should not do this alone and their communication has been sparse for over two years. My siblings follow the same pattern, but my sister seems to be communicating more lately. I am not worried about their position in this, but I suspect that my sister may be less than sincere and possibly trying to get information to report back to my parents. Should I open up?
Sincerely, Her
Dear Her,
I can completely understand the skepticism here. When we are left alone in a decision and dedicate our efforts in spite of an absence of support, we lay down boundaries that disallow depletion. In the face of this, just ask your sister directly about her motivation. If she is sincere, this will add happiness to three lives. If she betrays this, you will already know what to do.
Keep nurturing, Clown
Dear Clown,
A group of us have a friend that we suspect may be hiding a drinking problem. Her behavior is erratic and completely contradictory lately. She insists that she is not drinking, but the behaviors say otherwise. She complains about her husband but does several things to provoke his reactions every day. She began repeating things she told us only a short time ago, and she began calling some of us at late hours. We want to help, but we are not sure where to start. Sincerely, Might Intervene
Dear Might Intervene,
From the description, your concerns may be valid. There could be some compounding factors here as well. I would start by addressing this problem alone first and bring in the rest of your friends to support as it develops. Your sincere concern for your friend is a beautiful thing and I hope she will recognize that and be honest with you and with herself. Please make sure you have all the facts and understand her position before offering anything from advice to intervention. Please also recognize that she must be self-motivated to make changes as well. I hope your care and sincerity will win the day.
Keep the kindness, Clown
Dear Clown,
My son recently purchased his first home last year. We are very proud that he has done so well for himself. My wife and I have started to wonder if there may be a problem that we have not identified. Our son will call occasionally and visit us about every three months, but he has yet to ask us to visit his place. We have been discussing all the possible things that could be causing this, and we are struggling to come up with a cause. We are certain that we did not do everything perfectly raising our kid, but we did our best. Do you think we should be concerned?
Sincerely, The Dad
Dear The Dad,
This may be one of the sweetest parental concern letters I have ever read. You have already done excellent work taking your parental efforts into consideration and putting your son first. I am hoping there is no conflict between you and your son, but nobody has a perfect record. Start by making gentle suggestions with your son. Increase communication a little bit, suggest bringing dinner over, ask if he needs some assistance with light landscaping tasks, etc. If there are refusals to the smaller efforts, be direct in discussing a root cause without escalation.
Thanks dad, Clown
Dear Clown,
I have been dating a woman for eight months and I would like to move things up a level. She is against marriage and has made this clear from the start, so I will not be asking. What I would like to propose is moving into a place together. I know that I want all the time I can get with her, and I think she feels the same way. My only concern is that she might say no. I don’t want to mess up something great by doing this the wrong way. What would you advise as the best approach?
Sincerely, Wanting More
Dear Wanting More,
It is certainly wonderful that you have found someone that makes you want to alter your life. It is also good that you obviously respect her views. There are several ways you can do this. Providing some amenities at your place could be a good start. A new toothbrush, some open closet or dresser space, or special items in the kitchen or shower to increase her comfort could be a subtle start. Higher level effort could include giving her a key to your place in a gift box, but don’t blow out the candles before they are even lit. It is also important to be honest with yourself if she DOES refuse and consider whether you should continue, or if you have a differing vision for what you want your life to be.
Go slow, Clown
Do you have a question for the Clown? Write him at [email protected]
More from Featured
Charlotte Events
SUNDAYS: SPORTS / ACTIVITIES: • www.CharlotteCheckers.com @ the Bojangles Coliseum 12.21 4pm vs. Springfield Thunderbirds 1.18 4pm vs. Hershey Bears 2.01 1pm vs. Providence Bruins 2.15 …
Carolyn Barber of Reggae Central
Carolyn Barber Reggae Central In 1998, I was in my third year of college at UNC-Charlotte. All of the …
Levi Erickson
Levi Erickson by: John Burgin When I think of the name Levi Erickson, it conjures up thoughts of a broad-chested, red beard …