What do I Know? I’m just a Clown : March / April 2019

What do I Know? I’m just a Clown : March / April 2019
“Ask the Clown” : an advice column by The Clown

Dear Clown,
I feel like I am trapped. I am married to someone that I don’t like very much anymore and I have been completely reliant on what he provides for years. Lately, things have gotten darker and he has been ridiculing me to the point of tears. I suspect that he has been cheating, but I just don’t care anymore. I want out, but I don’t know where to start. Help?
Sincerely,
Caged

Dear Caged,
Step one, get documented proof that he is cheating. Set aside some personal funds to hire a private investigator and get your proof. Step two, confront with evidence and demand a divorce with terms to be decided that favor your stability. This part is difficult. Do this with someone you trust present to avoid the possibility of violent reactions. Step three, establish your new space and new life. Arrange electronic funding transfers and do not provide access to your address or personal information. Take the time to breathe and grieve and shake this off. Engage a professional therapist, if necessary. Allow yourself to adjust at your pace and on your terms.
Brighter days ahead,
The Clown

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Dear Clown,
People that have moved into my neighborhood frighten me. The way they dress, their conduct, and the people that visit them have forced me to stay inside more often when I am home. I feel like I cannot even take a walk anymore and I used to love this area. I do not want to move. What can I do?
Sincerely,
Frightened Neighbor

Dear Frightened,
Step outside the next time they are around. Talk to them. Maybe even have a party and invite them. You were very vague in the description, so I will assume that you are judging based on what you have been told or something in your past that tells you things are bad. Avoid judging by appearance and fear and find out if you have cool neighbors, or if they actually suck.
The people that you meet each day…,
The Clown

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Dear Clown,
My boyfriend wants to take me to the Whitewater Center this spring. I have never been in a raft, canoe, or kayak, and I am only moderately good at swimming. I want to refuse this, but he seems to have his heart set on it. I just don’t want to look like an idiot and he does not know that I am scared to do this. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Hydrophobia

Dear Hydrophobia,
The first thing you need to do is have a talk about your related fears. It is not a requirement that you be good at everything in the world and failure is the best teacher. If he balks at being with you because of the fears, then he is not worth your time. Hopefully, he will be excited at the prospect of either learning with you or teaching you some things. If not, we can arrange something.
Just keep swimming,
The Clown

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Things I should not have to tell you
1. If you win an argument, there is never a need to be smug. It only makes you look like an *ss.
2. Not every problem is a world ending crisis.
3. Research
4. Stop buying lies and spreading bad information.
5. Enjoy the drive when it takes a while. Remember the time you did not have this degree of independence.
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Do you have a question for The Clown? Write him at [email protected]

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