What do I Know? I’m just a Clown : Sept. / Oct. 2018
“Ask the Clown” : an advice column by the Clown
Sept. / Oct. 2018 issue of My City Magazine
I watch my sister’s children often while she works or sometimes when she just wants to be out. Recently, I noticed that something was different with their behavior and asked if they were feeling sick or if they had eaten anything they were not used to. They stated that they were fine, but the behavior continued. I took them to their doctor to make sure everything was alright the last time I was with them and they had a positive test for illegal drugs. The doctor said that this must be reported to child services and I am at a loss for what to do next. I don’t want my family split apart.
Dear Confused Aunt,
First and foremost, you must ensure the well-being of the children. I am sure repeated testing will be necessary. If your sister is using drugs and the children are impacted, you must get the children away from her house. Once the state intervenes, they will lay out all the plans to remedy the situation. Be part of that solution.
Protect the children, always,
I have been seeing a wonderful woman for close to a year. Whenever we are together, it is always fun and full of that energy that new relationships can have. The trouble I have is that I want to expand this and begin building a life together, but it does not seem that this is what she wants. She seems to regard me as an afterthought lately. We have common interests and we have even ended up in the same places when we could have gone together. I feel like I was a priority at one point, but that she has since reprioritized. Help?
The key to growth in any relationship is open and honest communication. Ask her what her vision is and listen. If you want to support that and feel that it would be a rewarding experience, then move forward. If there is something blocking your efforts, discuss this as well. You will know where your efforts are best placed after this.
No secrets and no grudges,
I see a therapist once every two months and it was helpful in the beginning, but seems less helpful recently. I think my therapist is less engaged in our conversations lately. I tested this in my last session by saying some gibberish sentences. It went completely unnoticed. I built some comfort and trust here and I don’t know if I should make changes or discuss this directly. What would you recommend?
I have a couple takes here. First, this is a paid service and there are expectations when one engages a paid service. If you these expectations are not being met, speak up or file a complaint. Second, you built a comfort zone, so to speak, with this therapist. We often hear that real growth happens when you step outside your comfort zone, so maybe this is opportunity knocking. Try another therapist. Try four or five others. Don’t stop until you feel your needs are properly met.
Wishing you serenity,
Things I should not have to tell you
1. When you express a fact, ensure that it is indeed a fact.
2. You are entitled to an opinion, unless it is an uninformed opinion that contradicts fact and logic.
3. A tiny bit of consideration for others can last a long time and it is always welcome.
4. Negative is easy. Don’t be lazy
Do you have a question for The Clown? Write him at firstname.lastname@example.org