What do I Know? I’m just a Clown : Jan. / Feb. 2018
“Ask the Clown” : an advice column by Martin “the Clown” Barry
Jan. / Feb. 2018 issue of My City Magazine
I am divorcing my husband after seven years of marriage. We have two children. I asked for the divorce because I just do not love him anymore and I have found someone else that he does not know about. He wants to settle this amicably, pay child support, and have the children as much as possible. I want him to pay alimony, as well, and I am thinking that I should restrict him from having the children. What should I do?
Separated at Last
Dear Separated at Last,
I am going to say this loud so that the people in the back can hear it as well: STOP USING YOUR CHILDREN AS BARGAINING TOOLS!! Your situation does not merit what you are seeking. Your root cause is called “alienation of affection,” which is fine, but there is no reason he should suffer more for it. If you have an amicable split and communicate well, your children will come up just fine. DO NOT let your selfishness get in the way of that.
My aunt is in porn films. A friend of mine showed me a clip that he told me about and he insisted it was my aunt. Once I saw it, there was no mistake. Now I am confused about how I should act toward her or if I should discuss what I found with my family. Help?
First off, don’t change anything about the way you and your aunt interact. You are probably very dear to her and you would not want to cloud that. Second, it is not your place to discuss what any member of your family does or does not do with any other member of your family. You don’t want to cause harm or embarrassment. Have a talk directly with your aunt and get her take on it. Understanding is always best.
I just inherited 4 cars, a house, and a nice amount of cash from an uncle that passed. I am selling the house because I don’t want to be in that place without his presence. One of the cars is going to a charity and I am keeping 3. My father is practically begging for one of the cars and saying that he and his brother built it, so it should go to him. I am at the end of my rope on this item and I don’t know what to do. Can you make a suggestion?
The key here is that all of these things are YOURS. You proceed as you wish. If your uncle felt the same way your father did, then he would have left the car in question to him. There is a reason he gave all of this to you and I am confident that you will do what is best. It seems that you are reluctant to give the car to your father, so follow your heart on that. You do not owe anyone a reason or explanation for your decision either.
I have grown weary of being the person responsible for holiday dinners. I have five adult children. I like to have the whole family over, but going through the traditional dish preparation has taken a toll on me. Do you have any options for me?
I have LOTS of options! You could go with non-traditional foods or have the event catered. You could rotate hosting duties each year between you and your children. You could all go to a restaurant open on these dates, or take a trip together somewhere. Keeping things fresh will make you, and probably the children, quite happy
I do quite well at my job, but I am beginning to hate what I do. Every week, I find myself in a darker place because of this and I don’t know if I have any options. Tell me what you think?
Dear Worker Bee,
As you did not state what your profession is, I will just have to make blind suggestions that do not relate to your current career. Option one would be to take any savings you have on hand and start your own business. Working for yourself at something you love doing is much better than dragging though something you hate each day. Option two would be to pursue the career that you always wanted, but regarded as less lucrative. A happy soul is much more valuable than money in the bank.
Hi- Ho, Hi- Ho,
I have been using a dating site to find someone that matches my interests. So far, I have met over 50 people that seem suitable and I have been on 22 first dates to make further assessments. I am worried that there are too many dates and that it will be embarrassing to discuss this with the person I finally choose. What would you do?
It takes me an hour or so to decide on a wallet. I have to try on several shirts before I decide on a few of them. It may take months before I decide on any major purchase like a car or house. This same principle should apply to dating. You are talking about someone that you would be with for at least a long term haul, if not life. If anyone does not see the logic in your method, then that makes them a poor fit as well.
Do you have a question for The Clown? Write him at email@example.com
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