Cheap Momma’s Guide to Parenting
Entry 2, Kids in Boots
By : Liz Eagle
I honestly feel like I spend most of my days as a mother trying my darndest to keep my kids from either killing themselves/each other or dying from boredom. And they are only 2 and 5! Whatever shall I do when they are 12 and 15? Woe is me. Anywho, I go from day to day just hoping we live to tell about it.
And my dilemma, like many modern-day semi-well-adjusted parents, is that of the ominous rainy day. Who in the world thought that children and rain were a good combination? Where are you now, God, huh? It’s parallels the atrocity of the Pizza Hut/Taco Bell combo. And that’s bad. I think I just threw up thinking about it.
You have about 3 options when it comes to rainy days:
1. Drop those suckers off at the YMCA and cry in a bathroom
2. Pretend you are napping while the kids fight over cars, trucks, and old pizza
3. Embrace it and be the good parent you let all your Facebook friends think you are
I’m gonna vote #1, people. Dang it. I mean #3. I am not kidding- people tell me all the time (when I actually interact with human beings via face-to-face contact as opposed to screen-to-screen) that “Oh, you are such a good mom. You do so much great stuff with your kids. I wish I had that energy.” Stop right there. Let’s get one thing straight: you, I, and every Betty living in the 21st century only photographs their children during the mili-second they are smiling, coloring, or sleeping soundly. So for those of you living in the dark, the curtains have been drawn back and you can now see the light. But at any rate, I’ve got a reputation to uphold (so do you!) and this is another great, cheap example of how to keep those cute little crazies of yours occupied for yet another day.
So how do you embrace the rainy day, Cheap Momma style? It’s simple, really. You take those hand-me-down rain boots- c’mon, we’ve all got ‘em- , throw them on, and just simply go outside. Now, if you are worried to death about not having a free pair of rain boots on hand, do not fret. And for the love do not go to some East Blvd boutique and buy the latest fancy-pants ones. If you are that mother, God have mercy on your soul. Instead, hit up on of Charlotte’s various Value Village Thrift Department Store (South Blvd, Freedom Drive, OR Central Ave) for a generous selection of $2 boots. They’re cute, they’re probably a size or 2 bigger than you need, and they will therefore last you 2-3 seasons. Bam.
Now, I know, this is not for the faint of heart. Thrift stores and rain water make others nauseated the way PH/TB does me. Nor is it as hard as you think it is. It’s just water, people. That’s it. The same moms that are terrified of their precious angels getting their smocked dresses wet are the same ones bathing their children every night. With water.
It is actually pretty sweet to see how excited your kids are when playing in rain, aka God’s Splash Pad. (See? He showed up afterall.) They really get jazzed up about doing something that is typically frowned upon. It is super exciting to be outside without an umbrella and a look of terror. It feeds their sweet little adventurous spirits.
And the best part? Afterwards, they are so tuckered out, you have no option but a set of dry clothes and the coveted rainy-day naptime.
And, per usual, here is your Cheap Momma’s How-To for a salvaged rainy day:
1. Get out of pajamas.
2. Take a deep breath and drink a cup of coffee
3. Once fully caffeinated, get the little ones hyped up by pulling out their cousin’s almost-ruined, hand-me-down, dinosaur rain boats that are narrowly escaping being too small. See step 4 if you lack boots.
4. Run to the car quickly so as to avoid melting, drive to your nearest Value Village, grab a cart with a huge metal pole because apparently it keeps people from stealing, and rush to the children’s shoe section. *You are rushing so you beat all the other Cheap Momma’s on their way there.
5. Drive on home.
6. Put the kids boots on in the car, release them from their restraints, and let them run wild.
7. Hop in puddles
8. Stand outside with your mouth open wide, singing “ah, ah, ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah.”
9. Bring them in
10. Dry them off
11. Lay them down for a nap
12. Drink a mimosa, like it’s a sunny brunch, because, dammit, momma, you earned it.
Alright! Now are you equipped for both the weather and the economy with installment 2 of Cheap Momma’s Guide to Parenting. Stay tuned: You never know where the cheapness will lead us.