Ask the Clown: Sept. / Oct. 2017

Written by Martin Barry

What do I Know? I’m just a Clown : Sept. / Oct. 2017

“Ask the Clown” : an advice column by Martin “the Clown” Barry

Ask The ClownDear Clown,

My mother in law will need to change her living situation soon. We are worried for her safety and we don’t want her to live alone anymore. I have already suggested that she could come live in our house, but my wife is against it. Our house is big enough to accommodate her and we could adjust easily, but my wife insists that it is time for her brother or sisters to step up. I would rather just get this done. How can I get this done and maintain peace?

The Good Son In Law

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Dear Good,

It is time for a family meeting and a gut level talk. Be sure to include your mother in law in discussion so that she can express her concerns and needs as well. At the very least, the others should help with expenses if you end up opening your home.

Wishing you harmony,
The Clown



Dear Clown,

My girlfriend is a musician and I love going to see her band play. I work a 9 to 5 and we live together. I have accepted that there will be late nights and issues that require her attention with her band. Recently, the band has begun planning a tour with some other acts that will have her away from home for months at a time. I am worried for her safety and, frankly, I am worried about her being faithful on tour. Do I discuss this with her? How would you handle it?

The Rocker’s Boyfriend

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Dear Boyfriend,

Seeing as you live together, she already has a stable home base with you. This is priceless on its own. I would suggest that you listen to all of the details of her plan and share in her excitement. When she is away, send things to increase her comfort and remind her that you care for her. Some room service, a room upgrade, or even some backup needs for touring stuck into her bag will help both of you maintain your bond when she is away. It is not easy to be the ground crew for someone that soars high, but I know you will do your best.

Rock on!
The Clown



Dear Clown,

I have recently discovered that my wife has been looking up a lot of pornography on her computer. She left it open and I looked, but I did not touch her computer. I asked her about this and she got very quiet. After a few days, she told me that she was fascinated with the photos and clips featuring two women together. She said she feels drawn to it, but would never do anything to damage our marriage. I am drawing a blank on how to proceed here. Help?


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Dear Wondering,

You and your wife have much to discuss here. Is this a passing fancy for her, or does she want to explore this part of herself? You both want to preserve your marriage and this is always possible in an open and honest environment, so be sure to maintain that without judging each other. Express your feelings honestly and allow her to do the same. There are hundreds of directions that this could take. As you proceed, remember that you two are the core bond of it all. Be safe, be honest, and be open.

The Clown



Dear Clown,

I just found out that my girlfriend had an abortion in her past. Now every time I speak to her, it is all I can think about. I feel that she is beyond redemption for doing this and I don’t know if I can forgive her. I do love her, but this is beginning to make me put some distance between us. What do I tell her?


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Dear Concerned,

Item 1: You don’t know what love is.
Item 2: YOU don’t know if you can forgive HER?

How dare you judge someone you care for based upon what happened in the past? You probably have no idea what her situation was or what she went through because the word abortion set off all of the Neanderthal alarms in your tiny brain. Stop letting false beliefs and group psychosis to control your life and think for yourself. You should discuss these feelings with her so that she can lock you out of her life.

Grow up,
The Clown



Do you have a question for The Clown? Write him at

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