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Ask the Clown : July / Aug. 2017

Written by Martin Barry

What do I Know? I’m just a Clown : July / Aug. 2017
“Ask the Clown” : an advice column by Martin “the Clown” Barry

Ask The ClownDear Clown,

I have been on the receiving end of quite a few no-shows lately. This has happened with friends and with potential dates. We make a plan in advance and they either bail at the last minute with a message or excuse, or they just don’t show up and I find out why a few days later with a weak apology. Should I just stop trying?

Sincerely,
Stood Up and Fed Up

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Dear SUFU,

Standing someone up is possibly the worst thing to do to someone in a budding friendship. Don’t allow that feeling to make you feel like you are not worth someone’s time. Your efforts are not in vain and your time is valuable. Don’t give up, but do be wise enough to disallow second chances. Let the pursuit come to you once in a while. Remember that you have worth in the scheme of all this. Know that worth and refuse to tolerate those that do not appreciate it.

Cheers!
The Clown



Dear Clown,

I am a polyamorous male and I am married. I have recently had a lot of conflict with my wife. She has found out about a couple of the women I have been with and it made her angry to the point of suggesting that we divorce. I don’t want that to happen as we have two children and a history prior to our marriage. She has maintained that our marriage was a commitment to each other exclusively, but I feel like she is just being a child. What do you suggest?

Sincerely,
Trying

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Dear Trying,

Is your wife aware of you polyamory? It seems to me that you don’t quite grasp that concept and she does see you as cheating. Are the other women aware of your polyamory? If not, then you are not polyamorous at all. You are what the ladies call a f---boy. Polyamory is based in WAY more respect than you have expressed here and the bonds of trust are probably way outside of your capability. You strike me as the sort of person that picks up on a concept and adopts it because they think it is the cool thing to do. Next, we will find you talking up some awful tasting beer and insisting you have a refined palette. The fact of it all is that you have no clue as to who you are and it is causing damage to others. Give that woman a divorce. You don’t deserve her and she and your children deserve better. I hope all of your visits with the kids are supervised.

Bye now,
The Clown



Dear Clown,

I have been shouted down by “friends” and some family for simply being me. I do not bring up my lifestyle or the things I believe in at any time, but assumptions are made about me accompanied by loud hateful speech and sometimes threats. If I do speak up to defend myself, they shout that my types are not as tolerant as we claim to be.  None of this frightens me and I have stopped being around the “friends” that have done this. How do I deal with the family, though? I don’t want to miss family gatherings, weddings, etc. Help?

Sincerely,
Bent, But Never Broken

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Dear Bent,

It seems that there are rashes of this sort of thing popping up all over. Decency, courtesy, and manners seem to have taken a holiday. During this period, we hold our heads up and forge ahead as we are. The shouts will fade and those that harbor this hatred will recognize the waste of energy eventually. As to the tolerance bit, it is always fitting to tolerate a person as they are and to tolerate what they believe, however, the loudest seem to have these uninformed viewpoints that they repeat ever louder hoping that it will become the truth. DO NOT tolerate this. Walk away, disconnect, and spend no time worrying about these people, even if they are family. You can easily avoid them at the next family gathering. These people deserve the isolation that will be the eventual cost of their hatred.

Stay true,
The Clown



Dear Clown,

Two years ago, I took my nephew in during my sister’s divorce. The courts decided that he needed a neutral home and I took on guardianship. I have not had a problem letting my ex brother-in-law see his son at any time until recently. My sister is now involved with a partner that changed her life for the worse. She has been drinking to excess daily, has started using one drug that I am aware of that is generally prescribed for pain, and she has lost her last two jobs due to these factors. Now she insists that her ex-husband have limited contact with their son and has made lots of false accusations about him. When my sister visits her son, it is only at my house and when I am present, due to what I have learned. I feel like I am betraying her when I allow my nephew’s father to take him for days at a time. What would you do?

Sincerely,
Uncle

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Dear Uncle,

You are doing everything right by that child. Thank goodness the court had the foresight to grant you custody! You are tolerating a LOT of stress to allow your sister to play mom and it may be time to close the door on that problem. Have her make a choice between her current vices or seeing her child. If she makes the incorrect choice, you will not have to worry about her endangering her child anymore. I know she is family, but a hard stance against her substance abuse is the only thing that works in the best interest of that kid.

Keep on,
The Clown


Do you have a question for The Clown? Write him at martin@mycitymagazine.net

Martin Barry   Martin Barry Visit Author Page | martin.barry@mycitymagazine.net

 

 

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