What do I Know? I’m just a Clown : Sept. / Oct. 2016
“Ask the Clown” : an advice column by Martin “the Clown” Barry
I have grown very close to someone to the point of loving them. When we are together, the rest of the world seems to disappear and everything feels right. I would like to be with this person every day, but it seems problematic. There are other people that this person will spend time with, sometimes in favor of planned time for us. What is a waiting love to do?
_ _ _
You love this person, so that will not go away. Even those that hurt us and depart linger in our hearts and minds. This sounds like something you both enjoy, so it should probably continue. You must also consider that you saw enough in this person to love them. Others can see what is wonderful about this person as well. The only concern here is that you have an open and honest discussion about where you prioritize each other. If you find that you place in order of priority is unsuitable, you must decide whether to discontinue this interaction. There is the cliché’ saying that one should never make someone a priority if that person only considers them an option. Another saying tells us that what we tolerate will continue. The Clown says, have an open dialog and see where things stand. Go if you need to, but love them anyway.; The world needs all the love we can circulate.
My boyfriend and I have been together for six years now. We are discussing going to the next step, getting married, and starting a family. I am concerned for our future and I have discussed this with him at length. We wanted to get your take on this though, so we decided to submit a letter. He is currently working as a musician. He gets lots of studio work, he has toured with some local acts, and he has his own band. The band has been together for four years and they don’t have as much draw as they used to. We both have university degrees, but he does not work in his field of study. Sometimes our budget gets super tight and this makes me worry about when we have children. Our discussion led to the suggestion of his giving up music and pursuing a 9 to 5 job if this continues to be a sluggish road. We need your input.
_ _ _
Break it off, immediately. I am kidding!! Getting touring and studio work can be a very rewarding career. The trick is that one’s availability for the jobs must coincide with the opening. Having a 9 to 5 would diminish that. We also consider that he is very happy being employed as a musician. Perhaps he can mix and produce as well? If you were to invest in some studio items, he could record local bands and others for extra money. The information you provide suggests that the main concern here is financial. You are stable with each other, you have your living arrangements sorted, and you are all set to move forward. Let me laugh at you for a moment. HAHAHAHAHA!! The best laid plans can fail and the times we “wing it” can be the most extraordinary experiences. Raising children is not an inexpensive endeavor and we all want to provide the best for them. If that is the goal you are both focused on, then I want you to do everything you are able to make the next generation amazing. This doesn’t come down to just money. You must foster a vision of endless possibility within your children. This will require you having time to read to them, explore, imagine, laugh, and experience together. Don’t let yourselves become so overwhelmed with work and money that you miss out on the most important things.
It’s about time,
How many times should one forgive transgressions? My trust and my heart have been hurt repeatedly over the past ten years. The joys always outweigh the pain, but I want another perspective.
_ _ _
If these transgressions are the same action over and over, then the “other” is not learning from mistakes. It is a deliberate action and, to quote The Rock, “You need to layeth the smacketh down upon their candy *sses.” If these transgressions are not “on repeat,” then your perspective is already balanced. The joy and pain walk hand in hand through our lives. Love allows us to forgive hurtful actions and we support the best in one another.
Wishing you the best,
Do you have a question for The Clown? Write him at firstname.lastname@example.org
|Martin Barry Visit Author Page | email@example.com|